SPAM. A lot.

I don't get SPAM.

We'll I get it.

I just don't understand it.

Does anyone actually make money off SPAM e-mails? Does anyone actually buy anything they get in a SPAM e-mail? This stuff is ridiculous and who actually goes for it?

I don't have a friend named "Nina" who wants to send me an e-mail about that "thing we talked about last night" and the "pills that will help." And even if I did have a friend named Nina and we talked about a thing and the pills, wouldn't she have given me the info over the phone? At least the name of the pills over the phone? And if I was friends with her and she was selling me this crap, wouldn't she come over to my house to show me this stuff and maybe hang out for a little bit? Isn't that what friends do? Maybe she lives out of state, you say. Fine. I suppose then she could e-mail me the info about the pills and the thing since she couldn't come over and she probably didn't have the details with her while she was driving home from work when we talked last night.

Wouldn't it have been nicer if Nina at least spelled my name correctly - I mean, we are friends, right? Or maybe she could at least have written an introductory paragraph about some of the other things we talked about and about how much she misses me and that she wishes she could move back to California and that she's sorry she forgot to call me on my birthday AND THEN get into the link and the pills that changed her life.

It might also help if Nina had a better grasp of my gender and realized that I don't need these pills. Maybe she's thinking Mike needs them - but isn't that kind of offensive? I mean, sure, we're friends, but Nina doesn't know Mike that well and he doesn't need those pills, but even if he did, it's not something I'd be comfortable talking about with her anyway. We aren't that close. I feel like she's being too invasive. I would never click on her stupid link. And I think it's about time I ended this toxic friendship.

Marked as SPAM. Beat that Nina.

Then there's that guy from my class who is always e-mailing me about the change in times for my final exams. Thank goodness. What a nice guy to let me know about that stuff. Who isn't stressing out about final exam times!? I need to check that stuff out ASAP.

WOW! There's no info on the test time but you're telling me that my final is about JLo's naked butt? Sweet. I'm going to totally ace this test! All I have to do is click on this link you sent me here... wait. Wait a second you sneaky snake... I graduated from college about 6 years ago! You almost got me! Almost!

Stupid stupid stupid.

How is it at all possible to make any money with stuff like that? How does it make any sense? Who comes up with these ridiculous e-mails (and maybe I should get a job there - because I can be pretty ridiculous)? It's a thousand times worse than the paper equivalent. Your paper junk mail at least attempts to look official and trick you into an unnecessary purchase. These SPAM e-mails don't even try.

All I can say is thank goodness GMail has a killer SPAM filter.

Ok. Rant over.