Comic-Con 2011: The Blog

It has been precisely a week since we've returned from the insanity that is Comic-Con International in San Diego, CA.  This year's SDCC was the most memorable of our trips thus far and it's difficult to imagine how the experience could be any more awesome in future years. 

Here's how it went down.

Wednesday: Preview Night.

This is usually the night we pick up our badges, buy our passes for the following year and wander around the Exhibit Hall before the crowds are overwhelming.  Because SDCC has been selling out so quickly in the past few years, they implemented a new process and the tickets for the following year wouldn't be available until Thursday and only in limited quantities.  It was inconvenient for us, but ultimately I think it was probably the most fair way to handle the tickets for the following year.

If you didn't already know, I've been writing TV reviews for Daemon's TV since January of this year. After preview night I had the opportunity to meet some the people I had been writing for/with in person for the first time.  Everyone was really cool and it was awesome to attach real people to the internet personas I had become familiar with. 

Thursday: Day 1

I dress up at Comic-Con for one day out of the week.  I've found I like to do it on the first day because the excitement of being at Comic-Con is still fresh and enough to keep me moving.  This year, I recruited Rhonda into my costuming plans so I would have a buddy (last year she and my brother and Matt dressed up in a Dr. Horrible group.) 

Thank goodness she was down to dress up with me, because the reaction to our costumes was like nothing I could have ever anticipated.

My brother shot this photo of the crowd taking our photos as we stepped into the convention center.

It was so much fun and SO exhausting.  Normally I can wear my costume, walk the exhibit hall, look at artwork, buy stuff and check out the booths while occasionally being stopped for photos, but in these costumes it took us about an hour to get from the entrance of the exhibit hall to the back side in a straight line where we wanted to get nachos for lunch.  Security was constantly asking us to move and my brother and Mike eventually had to work crowd control just so we could get to a spot where we could sit down.  

Even as we ate, the photos did not stop and as I was shoveling lunch into my mouth people were taking pictures.  I had a renewed appreciation for my college years spent doing character work at Disneyland. I was having flashbacks of summer crowds and remembered that this was exactly the reason we needed hourly breaks, away from the crowds.  

http://johnal.smugmug.com/

At one point, a woman from Entertainment Weekly approached us and asked us if we would be in a EW photoshoot at the Hard Rock Hotel, shot by photographer Michael Muller.  

Um.  OK!

The photo shoot set up  http://johnal.smugmug.com/

So, we did that and ended up here:

http://www.ew.com/ew/gallery/0,,20399642_20512572,00.html#20992382
(*UPDATE* Turns out we also made it into the August 5, 2011 print edition on the Table of Contents page!)

Rhonda was excited because Justin Timberlake had been on that same set just minutes before us.  I was excited because... free snacks!

So that was Thursday.  I tried to get into the Archer panel, but the line was longer than I had anticipated so we missed that.  I ended up with blisters on my feet from walking around all day in my "comfortable" shoes.  

It took me about a year to make my costume since I was learning how to sew, use tools and materials as I went along.  I will probably just be wearing it again next year to get full use out of it.  I don't have the energy to make another costume for a while.  I have some changes to make... like... way more comfortable shoes.  And, next year we're adding at least one more villain to our gang, so that will be even more fun.  

Friday: Day 2

I don't know how to best describe how awesome Friday was.  Best single day at Comic-Con (for me) ever.  The Venture Bros. Panel, Bob's Burgers Panel and Alphas Panel were all great, but more importantly... everything else.

You might remember my blog from last year, geeking out over Bob's Burgers before it had even aired and being all giddy because I got to take a photo with Loren Bouchard, right? It got better this year.

You guys.

Loren Bouchard recognized me! I'm not even joking! 

AND he told me that he has read everything that I've written!!!!***

***He said that, but let's be honest, he probably meant that he reads everything I write on Daemon's TV about Bob's Burgers... not everything I write... especially not my blog.  My mom doesn't even read my blog.

So I squealed like a raging fan girl and Mike snapped this picture after the panel.

Me & Loren Bouchard... AGAIN

That's my Bob's Burgers tee-shirt from last year's Comic-Con panel that I altered to fit a lady!  

He posed for this picture twice, because he said he didn't want to pose the same way he did last year.... squeeeeee!

So anyway... as if I wasn't already seeming like a crazy fangirl by sitting in the front row of the Bob's Burgers panel, we ran into Bouchard again at night as we were walking to the Adult Swim party which we got passes to earlier in the day. He was nice enough to talk to us as we walked in the same direction.  I had a couple of glasses of Jameson before we walked over there, so I'm not 100% sure I was talking like a normal person... but whatever.  He was nice and didn't make me think that he thought I was crazy.  I wouldn't fault him if he did.

My dilemma now is... what do I do next year?  I mean, I've had photos with him two years in a row.  If there is a Bob's Burgers panel next year, I will... duh...be going and I will... duh...want to be in the front row... but am I allowed to take a photo like this ever again?  If he was someone who had no recollection of me, I'd be like "hi, I'm a fan... photo?" and wouldn't think twice... but now.... do I have to be cool? YOU GUYS.  I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE COOL!!! 

So, you have a year to tell me how to handle this.  How do I balance my obvious fandom with the fact that I don't want to be THAT FREAKY FAN? I've met lots of famous people - including the guy at the top of my "list," Mr. Johnny Depp himself, and I've never been struck with this panic. Johnny Depp and the others I've met would never remember me in a million years (plus actors don't intimidate me the way writers do.)  I'm a drop in the bucket.  I'm used to that. The fact that he remembered me is incredible and totally intimidating... but most of all it's proof that Loren Bouchard is a genuinely nice human being.  

Continuing with the awesome of Friday... this happened at the Adult Swim party:

 

Yup - Doc Hammer of Venture Bros. fame.

Can we discuss how cool Doc Hammer looks and HOW I COULD NOT BE ANY MORE DORKY IN THAT PICTURE?

And of course, Jackson Publick, also of Venture Bros. fame.

Let's discuss how much of an a-hole I was for noticing that Jackson was smoking when he had talked in the panel earlier about how he was quitting smoking.  Really?  REALLY ME?  "I'm a huge fan. I thought you were quitting?"  WHY WOULD I SAY THAT!?   He was so nice to me even if I was a total and complete arse.  So I fail forever.  That is exactly why people should not let me drink EVER.  Except for sometimes because I'm also awesome when I drink. 

Sometimes.  

So 50/50.

Michael Sinterniklaas & Me

Before the Adult Swim party we ran into Michael Sinterniklaas - also of Venture Bros. fame... but also even more so of his acclaimed work in dubbed anime... which I didn't know about until we talked that night.  

I was too shy to talk to anyone at the bar but when Mike spotted Michael, he desperately tried to convince me that I should go tell him I was a fan.   Since this was pre-whiskey, I could not be convinced so Mike went over talked to him for me. In a couple of minutes, they both came back to where I was sitting. 

Seriously, this guy was SO cool... he took pictures with my brother and my mom and everybody in our group.  He's currently working on a TNMT project and Gundam Unicorn and he does the voice for the English dub of the main character in Summer Wars (I actually have the DVD and have just never watched it in English. You can borrow it.  It's a really great anime movie.)  

Best moment with him was when he said "scissor me" meaning do the Venture Bros. pose above.  Instead I scissored his V hand gesture with my V hand gesture.  Yah.  I'm that a-hole.  People should  keep me away from other human beings.  He still talked to me after that, so he's obviously really nice. 

Also on Friday...Mike got his photo that he took with Kevin Smith last year signed by Kevin Smith.   Matt schmoozed with everyone from Torchwood at the bar, Rhonda got Steven Spielberg's autograph... on her phone... then she, along with my brother and my mom somehow talked their way into some exclusive party at the Hard Rock where they ate all sorts of food and drank all kinds of open bar booze. Then back at our hotel my mom took photos with David Arquette at the bar.

So all that happened.  In one day.  I expect a day like that will never happen again.

Saturday: Day 3

Can't remember.  Did I already tell you about Friday? 

Saturday...Tr!ckster!  That was cool. We bought art.

Oh and Mythbusters. Neato!

And there's a small chance I'll show up on TV in a year asking either Jon Favreu or William Shatner questions for a Kevin Smith project that will make me seem like a total dufus.  Get excited about seeing me ask "Mr. Shatner, what's your favorite Star Trek episode?"  Trust me.  I was fed the questions.

Oh!  And we met up and grabbed drinks with friends.  I love friends! And cookies! Good times.

Sunday: Day 4

Doctor Who. 

Can't get enough of them... I want to go on a TARDIS ride. 

And then... exhibit hall...

That's my mom who originally photobombed me when I was trying to get a photo at the VIZ Media booth. This was her first year at SDCC, but she naturally knew how to work the exhibit hall.  In all my years I have never seen a person come back with so much swag... ever.  Totally impressive.

Followed by two and a half hours in traffic to get home. So tired.

Overall, awesome times.  Still recovering, but already looking forward to next year.  Woo!

 

Voice-over Work

From the day Apple became part of our family, Mike and I have done this thing that I'm just starting to realize not all pet owners do.  When one of us asks Apple a question, the other will answer as Apple's voice-over.  Describing it now makes me realize how strange that actually makes us, but what's even stranger is that it wasn't something that came up gradually, it just automatically happened. 

Usually her voice-over is influenced by whatever animated shows we're watching at the moment.  The first voice that naturally came out as Apple's inner voice was South Park's Eric Cartman. Although there's a gender and species discrepancy, this is the voice and inner attitude that returns most often when we're talking for Apple.  Her voice-over has also had stints as Henchman 21 and Dermott Fictel from the Venture Bros. and Special Sister Mary from Lucy, Daughter of the Devil (voiced by Eugene Mirman.) Right now, we're having moments of Tina from Bob's Burgers squeak into the rotation (voiced by Dan Mintz.... we've never been able to get any actual girl voices into our girl dog's inner voice) especially when Apple is being awkward.

Apple's voiceover is 1% lovin', 99% attitude.  Yes.  She's a bitch.  Literally.  But also figuratively.  Some sample conversations we've had:


In her "NPR Cartman" voice


Scene: Apple sees me throwing out chicken bones and cleaning out the roasting pan and is suddenly interested in what I'm doing in the kitchen.
Apple:  Hey mom, what... what are you doing?
Me:  None of this is for you.
Apple:  No, that's coo.  I'm just.  I just love you so much.  And you know, chicken.
Me: You can't eat this.
Apple: But maaaaaaaaaawwwwm.
Me: Don't lick the trash can.
Apple:  I hate you.  So very. Very. Much.


In her "Angry Cartman" voice.



Scene:  Mike got out of bed for 3 minutes to run to the restroom.  Apple immediately moved to his spot and is snuggling up next to his pillow so he can't get back in bed.
Mike:  Apple, really?
Apple:  Suck it, dad.
Mike:  No, Apple, you need to move.
Apple: Whateva, I do what I want.  You're not the boss of me.
Mike pushes Apple out of his spot.
Apple: I just want to say: I love you guys, I do... except you Dad.  I hate you.

Scene: Mike and I are downstairs sitting on the couch watching TV.  Apple is upstairs.  Alone.  Not hanging out with us.
Me: "Apple!  Come down here and hang out with us!" 
Apple runs out of the bedroom and stares at us from the top of the stairs.
Me:  "Apple!  Come here!  Snuggle!!!"
Apple:  "I'm busy.  Damn hippies."
Apple turns around and runs back to the bedroom 

In her "Special Sister Mary" voice
(there's a video... if you can't see it, here's the link: http://video.adultswim.com/lucy-the-daughter-of-the-devil/holy-crap-no.html )

Scene:  We're trying to put Apple's harness on so we can go outside.
Mike:  Apple, come here.
Apple:  Uhm.  No.
Mike:  Come here.
Apple:  Uhm. No thanks. You guys go without me.  I'm cool.
She runs back upstairs and puts herself in her crate.

Scene:  Apple is sitting on Mike's chest.  In bed.  At 1 AM.  STARING at his face.
Apple:  Uhm.  Dad?
Mike:  No.
Apple: Uhm.  Dad... I have to pee.
Mike:  No.  I just took you outside 15 minutes ago.  And all you did was bark at the air.
Apple:  Fine. I hope you enjoy the surprise turd I leave in your closet tonight.  Sleep tight.
Mike closes his eyes.
Apple slaps him.  With her paw.  She actually does that.
Apple: Take me outside or I will cut you.

So 4 years now we've been doing this... and we do it automatically.  It's gotten worse.  Recently, when other people ask Apple questions, we'll instinctively respond.  For example the following exchange happened at my birthday party when Apple met one of our friends for the first time:

Colin: Hi Apple! You sure are a cutie pie!
Apple looks at him and deftly avoids a gentle pat on the head scooting past him.  I provide the voice over without thinking twice.
Apple:  Yah buddy, I got shiz to do and crap on the floor to eat.  No time to chat.
Colin looks at me silently.  He blinks.  I explain that I'm insane.

We've also started doing this for babies.  Which makes things more troubling because Mike and I seem to assume that all babies have the same attitude as Apple and many parents don't agree with our foul mouth interpretations of their darling child's inner thoughts.  Most people put cute things into the mouths of speechless babes, but when we see babies, they're little smack talkers.

So far we have yet to meet anyone that does what we do.  People seem to imagine inner voices for their pets, but none of them actually have conversations with those inner voices.  So that either means that both Mike and I are insane, or insanely awesome.  Win win.  

Soooo...

Yah.

Um.  Happy New Year?

I sure showed NaBloPoMo who was boss... not only did I stop blogging half way through November, but I totally ignored my blog through December and I'm about half way through January and I considered not blogging just to be stubborn.

But then I decided, maybe not.

I have been busy. And actually, it involves writing and watching cartoons for a legitimate purpose... so now you can't judge me.  This whole development is still in it's infancy, so I won't discuss it much just yet but it is exciting nevertheless.

I won't bother to do a recap of what transpired in the last 8 weeks or so.  I'd rather it remain enigmatically surrounded by mystery and sex appeal.  You can come up with your own theories and discuss the exciting unknown events of D in December and it will totally be a hotbed of intrigue like Agatha Christie's 1926 disappearance.

Speaking of Agatha Christie - I've started watching Doctor Who.  And by started, I mean I've finished all 5 series of the relaunch on Netflix and I eagerly await the upcoming new season.  So that was awesome.

I need to start an organization.  I'll call it Nerd Scouts.  You'd get a uniform and a hat and a sash and you collect badges in your Nerd Troop.   For example, if you're a Nerdie, you're the lowest level nerd and you make Star Wars light sabers out of popsicle sticks and Star Trek insignia patches out of macaroni that you give to your parents as a thank you for letting you live in their basement at 35.

As you go up in the ranks of the Nerd Scouts, you collect badges - I probably would have just received my Tardis Badge for catching up to Doctor Who in under 2 weeks, but my Nerd Scout superior who has earned the rank of Elf Scout carries a bow and arrow that he earned at his LOTR ceremony and a Dalek Badge for having seen every episode of Doctor Who since 1963. The badge earning possibilities are practically unlimited!


Once a year, we'd sell Nerd Scout Cheesy Poofs (nerd snack of choice) in flavors like, White Cheddar, Burninating The Universe Spicy and Classic Orange and suggest flavors of Shasta to compliment with the sole purpose of collecting enough funds to make it to our annual scout jamboree in San Diego aka. ComicCon.

Seriously, doesn't it just sound super awesome?! Who's in!?

Whapow!

I just learned how to make a towel whip - aka. a rat tail whip.  Believe it or not, there's a technique to this skill.




I was watching TV while swinging around my wet hair towel and convinced Mike he should let me practice towel whipping while he sat in the recliner.

Not only did he oblige, he gave me tips and pointers to get the whip motion just right and get that satisfying snapping sound.

And after 5 or 6 tries I NAILED IT!

Right on his knee.

POW... he's now got a red welt on his knee courtesy of my rat tail whip and I've acquired a new skill I should probably add to my resume.  He laughed and ouched at the same time while I did a victory lap around the living room. 

Skillz.

Comic-Con 2010 - Thursday Part One

Well here we are – day one of Comic-Con International in San Diego.  We were here last night for the “Preview Night” and were able to pick up our badges and check out some of the stuff in the main exhibit hall before the official start to the week and visit some people we knew working the booths while it wasn’t too insane. We were also to preorder our passes for next year since this has become a pretty sure thing.

Right now, it’s about 8:50 AM and we’ve been in line for Hall H for about an hour and a half  and we’re about in the middle of the crowd.  Meaning, there have been hundreds of people waiting in line for significantly longer periods of time to get into Hall H before us.  The kicker is that nothing starts in Hall H until about 10 AM… so.  We’ve got a while to go. 

The big thing everyone in this line seems to be the most excited about is the TRON panel.  They’re looking to see the cast and the exclusive previews that they’ve brought along for the panel.  Last year they showed a tiny segment of some of the CGI scenes and some shots of the bike and people went bonkers.  So, this should be exciting.

I’m also in costume today. It was a last minute decision made over dinner tonight since I wasn’t really planning on dressing up this early in the week, but I wanted to be able to wander around and take pictures of my brother, Rhonda and Matt in their costumes (probably on Friday) so this was the day to do it.  I’m dressed as a character from Neon Genesis Evangelion – Misato Katsuragi. I’m wearing a purple wig.  I look kind of ridiculous, but it’s Comic-Con… you have to do it. I mean really. This costume is also not the most comfortable for waiting in line – it’s all pleather – so thank goodness it’s cold right now.

We stopped by to visit our old friend, Tommy,  ex-detective, retired police chief now big boss security guard who helped us tremendously last year when my phone was lost/stolen by a peon security guard.  He remembered us. He is awesome. 

So yes.  Comic-Con day one.. Exciting.  Also exciting? Staying at the Omni… right across from the Convention center and never having to deal with parking.  Brilliant.

My goal this year is to not lose my phone, so hopefully that should be something I’m able to stick to.  I’d also like to party all the time at night.  Also, I’d like to see all my fellow geek friends this time, since I won’t lose my phone.  Also, Venture Bros. Yay.

Gadgetry

There's this silly little gadget that I found today. You enter a part of your blog writings into a box, it "analyzes" it and comes up with a famous author with a similar writing style. I wanted to write like Joyce Carol Oates. Even though I know I could never write anything like she could, I would be so tickled if I had a doofy internet gadget that said I wrote like JCO.

So I copied a blog entry and pasted into the little form and hit submit.

I got this:

I write like
James Joyce

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

James Joyce. I know the name and kinda-sorta, know why he's famous, but I have never read anything James Joyce has ever written and after perusing his Wikipedia, I'm pretty sure my blog writings have nowhere near the class or charisma of anything Joyce has ever jotted on paper.

So I picked a different blog entry and entered again.

James Joyce.

I reloaded, thinking it's a random glitch, entered in the same blog entry... James Joyce. Picked yet another entry, and still, James Joyce.

This gadget machine must be broken.

So I picked an entry that was so obviously not in the style of the blogs I entered before... and got this:

I write like
Chuck Palahniuk

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

I don't even know who that is.

One more try, a different entry. JCO FTW.

I write like
David Foster Wallace

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

I'm sorry, who?

I think the gadget must work by calculating your average paragraph length. It has nothing to do with my actual writing or skills. What they don't tell you is that this gadget has an unmentioned, unintended side effect.

Suddenly, I feel really... really. Stupid.

I need to read more.

Internet Armageddon

Sometime in 1994, my family got our first family computer that was capable of accessing the internet... by 1995 (after daily pleading) my brother and I had convinced my parents to sign up and pay for the AOL service that came with that computer so we could actually go online.  I remember setting up the account with my dad and picking a main screen name for our main account and e-mail addresses - one that I still use a variation of today - and attempting to log on for that very first time.  The modem used to dial-up connect was loud enough to wake the neighbors and once you finally got online each page would take FOREVER to load.  Our home line would be busy for hours while we were online and the monthly subscription to AOL was not cheap at the time - but my mom seemed to understand that we'd need to know how to use the internet in the coming years, so she pushed to keep it (and later threaten to take it away when we didn't do what we were told.) 

The internet looked ugly. The AOL program itself was simple enough, but actual internet pages were slow, overloaded with awkward text, limited colors and questionable information.  Chat rooms moved quickly and instant messenger became the most fun reason to go online when you're 12 years old.  You could chat with other people around the country about all sort of stupid crap and see what other stupid people were doing and talking about.  Rooms were broken down by a number of categories - age, interests, subject, sex, etc. and my brother and I knew that while the internet was AWESOME, the internet was also dangerous.  We learned quickly (and my parents reminded us regularly) of what information we should never give out.  If we were sitting there using a fake persona, lying about our age and where we lived, we had to assume almost everyone else was doing the same. We figured out what websites we could and should not click to visit without a net nanny or child-safety options.  We learned by making some mistakes and more often, through information gleaned from other user's mistakes. 

By the time my brother and I were in high school, the internet had developed exponentially and we had grown with it.  We entertained ourselves by anonymously playing pranks on other weirdo users. We had an arsenal of fake screen names and a few scanned photos of teenaged girls from photo frames which we used for our pranks. One of our favorites was on a guy who admitted to having a foot fetish in one of the chat rooms. We just HAD to send him a private message with our super cute photo and of course, he took the bait.  We chatted about some stupid nonsense for a few minutes and then he asked for a photo of her feet.  My brother has big hairy feet - and I think he had some kind of injury on his toes at the time, so his feet looked DISGUSTING (and obviously perfect for the request) so, we snapped a couple photos with our brand new webcam and sent it over.  The guy's reaction to our photos was an immediate "THAT'S DISGUSTING!  What is WRONG WITH YOU!" and "IS THAT A GROWTH!?"  Our teenage pranks left us laughing for days and every time we’d end up berating the user for being an internet perv and hitting on high school kids.  We were essentially the precursor of “To Catch A Predator” – except we thought we were funny.  Eventually we became bored with chat rooms, my brother delved into the world of MMORPGs and message boards and I leaned into the world of blogging and Geocities (helping to make the internet uglier one page at a time!)

So.  Why is it that after having a steady, cautious and loving relationship with internet for 14 years, I HAD MY FIRST MAJOR FAIL YESTERDAY?! 

I was attacked by malware.

On my work computer.

And I couldn't fix it.

It's more embarrassing than anything else.  I felt like such a newb.  I know better than to open weird files, click strange links, or get a free iPad for anything... but sometimes you just get drive-by-installed and boom, you're screwed.  The one I got was the "AV Security Virus"  which looks EXACTLY like the Windows Security Center - shield and all. (Quick PSA: don't risk clicking any links for anything called "AV Security" anything.  They have malicious links that show up as a top search result in search engines and will seriously harm your computer if you click them, so only read about it from a website you already know and trust.) So when a little pop up notification came up from my taskbar saying that "Windows has detected a threat on this page" and giving me the option to stop the threat and run a scan, I brainlessly clicked yes. Within minutes, my computer was going insane.  

Duh. I should have known better.  I was on GOOGLE.  Not some crazy website. The insanity wouldn't stop once I clicked to acknowledge the annoying sucker.  It prevented me from being able to run task manager, open web pages, and do pretty much anything - including turning off my computer using a normal shut down.

I had lost. 

There were red pages popping up, warnings for every click I made, fake security scans and now every pop up was telling me it could all be stopped if I would just buy the full price version of the AV Security Suite, which roughly translates to: let me steal your credit card number ya dummy. 

I'm lucky it wasn't one of those password stealing spyware hacks or a data destroying worm, but still.  My face was red as I apologized profusely to our IT guy while he took away my old computer and replaced it (with a faster, quieter one - silver lining!) He assured me that it happens to the best of us and that it has happened before in the office.  I was still embarrassed.  And, for the first time ever, I was kind of afraid of the internet. 
 

Just to be safe, I went through and changed all my passwords for everything - which I had just done about a week before.  I had to come up with new, super secure passwords, which incidentally, is becoming very difficult.  Coming up with new passwords that I can a) easily remember and b) have all the crap that super secure passwords have (with numbers, symbols and text) is next to impossible at this point.     It took me about 20 minutes to think of something I know I'd remember.  And by the time I got home - I HAD FORGOTTEN what I was pretty sure I could remember.  

Luckily I wrote myself a cryptic code to help myself remember in case I accidentally forgot, right? Yeah, except it took me another 20 minutes to figure out what my cryptic note meant.  I read about creating a new secure password easily by using a mnemonic device to remember them - such as: My Very Educated Mother Just Served Me Nine Pizzas would be: MVEMJSM9P. Which on the surface looks AWESOME, but it turns out, that's only a semi-secure password!  You need a symbol in there too!  HOW DO YOU REMEMBER WHERE YOU PUT THE SYMBOL?!  And then I have to think up 40 new AND different passwords for all the websites I visit regularly?  AND REMEMBER ALL THAT?  Arg.

Maybe it's time for me to move into a cave. 

A warm cave.  With cable TV, an ocean view and a Tempurpedic bed.

On the internet.

Yah.

I Wanna Be A Great Plumber Like My Brother, Mario

Last week, Mike and I started playing Super Mario Bros Wii together.

There was a time when I was pretty good at your standard video game.  I was pretty decent on the Nintendo (still kill at Tetris) could definitely hold my own on the N64 and totally pwnd Gauntlet Dark Legacy for the PS2, but it's been a while since I've played a Mario game as an adult.  I may suck at SMB Wii - but it sure is funny.

Mike and I have completely different playing styles.  I'm of the smash-every-block-and-leave-no-coin-behind faction and he's of the beat-the-bad-guys-as-quickly-as-possible faction.  And because he's player 1, we move at his pace when we play together.  Meaning, I regularly get smooshed by the left side of the screen as I'm attempting to collect coins... prompting him to console me after my Luigi character dies for the 3rd time in 2 minutes with an aptly versed,  "I think this should teach you some relevant lessons about greed."

Seriously.  He literally said that.  He kills me.

So, on our first day of playing we had just warped to the 3rd level when I took stock of the fact that my Luigi character had died at least 55 times already - it may have been more considering I had found a few 1UP mushrooms and promptly used them falling off a ledge or walking into a Goomba when I meant to stomp him.    That's 3.4375 times per level, 27.5 per world.  Mike was still playing off his original 5 lives and had accumulated a few 1UP lives - at this point, it was almost assumed that Luigi would die every few minutes and it was Mike's responsibility to keep the game going. 

During particularly hard levels, I'd keep Luigi in his floating resurrection bubble until we were past the danger zone and then I'd shake him over to Mario to be popped.  The levels would get harder and harder - and I was dying faster than the game would allow for regeneration. My shoddy skills were no longer keeping me afloat. 

Now, Mike is no pro either. While he was definitely better than I, on more than one occasion his fat little Mario delicately pushed my unsuspecting Luigi off a warp pipe and into the bottomless ravine or bounced on my Luigi's head to reach an item and as a result trapped me in the direct line of a Bullet Bill.  It's ok - I was more than willing to sacrifice my Luigi's lives for the greater good of the team.  His Mario needed to stay alive to keep the game going.

In any case, Mike was out of town the last couple of days, so I decided to practice my skillz so that when he got back, I wouldn't be the let down drag out Luigi any more.

To my surprise - I kind of kick ass. 

But not in the way most gamers would kick ass. I started my own game and  I collected every coin, replayed each level until I collected all the necessary star coins, saved the stupid Toad every time he screamed for help (and often died in the process) and found every hidden 1UP mushroom I could find.  I did die a lot in the process, but I hadn't even reached the World-1 fortress and I already had 28 lives.  28!!!!!   Slow and steady wins the race.

Mike came back and we picked up where we left off, but he sensed that my mind wasn't in our game.  It was, but I had little attachment since my Luigi character had already died and come back to life at this point about 75 times.  Plus, we had left so many Star coins behind in the worlds we passed.  I mean, is that even a complete level?  Not in my book. 

Despite my lack of attachment to our game, I was still eager to show off my newly honed skills so I really was trying to play better... but 2P is HARD.  It's way harder than 1P. Suddenly I was having to watch not only my dude, but Mike's dude too... and he was moving erratically trying to collect stuff, so I'd run into him and bounce into a bad guy and die.  Or if I wanted to super run through an area with dropping stuff, he preferred to sit and methodically time out his jumps, so I'd get stuck near the edge of the screen and die.  2P is a whole other ballgame.

So, after this experience, I don't think anyone can rightfully call themselves a SMB Wii master until they've defeated all the levels with 4P.  Because with Mario, Luigi and two stupid Toads, I can only imagine it's gotta be a cluster-thwomp.

Old Fogie

Sometimes I'm happy that no one has the superpowers to read my mind yet because my mind tends to ramble off on it's own about ridiculous things.

Like today.

When I decided that I wanted a pet crow.

Because they're very smart birds, of course.

But not until I was like 75.

That way the neighborhood kids would think I was a witch.

Because I'd have dyed my hair blue. Or green. Or hot pink.

And I'd have a pack of attack dachshunds.

And because Mike (being a retired engineer of course) would have set up a number of contraptions around our home that the kids would mistake for boobie traps.

And of course, some of them would be boobie traps.

For those meddling kids.

And maybe we'd catch a pudgy one as he was trying to fulfill his childhood obligations of a double-dog-dare to ring the doorbell and run.

And we'd call his parents. And bring him inside to wait for them.

But in the meantime, his friends watching would think we were turning him to stone with one of our contraptions.

But we'd win him over with all the amazing tricks our pet crow and pack of attack dachshunds can do and he wouldn't want to leave.

But to maintain our fearsome status, we'll make him swear an oath of secrecy.

So when he gets out and sees his friends, he won't say anything, but he'll know we're cool and his friend will think we wiped his memory.

Or that he's a pod person.

Because when I'm 75, I'll be living in a 1980's adventure movie.

See.

Could you imagine the embarrassment of someone being able to listen to that entire thought process on the elevator down to the first floor? You'd think I was insane.

Offspring From The Future

Procreation is pretty trendy lately - everyone seems to be having babies. Mike and I are not planning on jumping on the baby bandwagon for a couple more years, but our friend Jessica (Swaaaaaan) recently posted an awesome link on my brother's Facebook page called 1,001 Rules for My Unborn Son which, over the course of the last few days has had me thinking of all the "rules" I've got in my head for my still unconceived children.

Many of my ideas actually don't really involve actual parenting - which should give you some insight into where I am mentally as far as the mothering-spectrum is concerned. For example, the one I decided today is this: When I eventually do have an infant, I think I would like to strap it to my body in some way while I go about my business. I'm talking full on papoose-field-worker-baby-attached-to-your-back-like action. It makes sense to me. You know where the baby is. It's not eating anything it's not supposed to be eating. It's got tons of crap to look at while you're doing your own thing. It's floating around like it did in your belly. I have no problem falling asleep in a hammock - and it's pretty much the same thing, so baby nap time seems like a no brainer. Plus, it seemed to work for the hardest working women all over the world. They've got their hands free to do all the stuff they needed to do and freedom to bend over to pick stuff up and junk. Brilliant.

Of course, I'm sure I'll read something as I get closer to having children that might change my opinion, but for now all I need is to look at awesome pictures and stay pretty convinced that this is totally what I will do.

Most people that have had the "will-you-have-kids" conversation with me already know that Mike and I are dead set in rearing some awesome nerd-children. If you review this venn-diagram that Marci shared the other day, I'd say we're aiming for the bluish-purple hemisphere with some yellow overlap for fun. Obviously the "Genius" is our kid, but I'm sure we'd be happy anywhere in the realm of "Brain", "Geek" or the classic "Nerd." We don't want to venture too far into the "Dweeb" category or the emotional dysfunction and social ineptitude hemispheres, but let's be honest, your stereotypical "cool" kid is nowhere on our radar.

Until our children can beat me away from their closets with their tiny fists, they will be dressed primarily in clothing of awesome. This includes daily animal costumes (they aren't just for Halloween friends) hats, sunglasses, and crazy shoes. There's also a good probability that on any given day my kids could walk out of the house looking like they stepped out of a vintage photograph. Why? Because I can. And because kids look cuter in knickers and bloomers. And because you don't remember much of what you wear before you're 4 anyway - you just remember what it looked like in pictures. I promise to be kind and avoid itchy fabrics... but yah. Get ready to be jealous of how awesome our future children will be. Someday.

I'm glad I'm writing this down so that in 7 or so years when I'm actually trying to get a 4 year old to wear a pea coat, knickers and a cap and he is screaming bloody murder and I'm crying because his 2 year old sister prefers to run around naked after ripping off her hippo costume that I tried to make her wear for the family trip to the zoo in February (because seriously, most appropriate time for animal costumes) you can all print this out to remind me how sure I was about how easily this would all work out.

Atomic Mischief

I love the possibilities that lie within the impossible.

I just read: “Sheldrake has also demonstrated in a number of studies that we can assist each other’s learning across distances, without any external interaction or communication. In one study, for instance, a group of individuals completed a newly created crossword puzzle, and their average completion times were recorded. The same puzzle was then broadcast to millions via TV, for the viewers at home to complete. Subsequently, a new group, who had not seen the puzzle at all, finished it significantly faster than the original group, suggesting that as a result of so many individuals having done the puzzle, knowledge of the puzzle was somehow etched into the field of collective consciousness, making it increasingly easier for others to solve.”

First off, this means you are all at fault for me not being a genius already - but that's not what I'm writing about.

Back when I was in school the simple explanation of matter was that it exists and you can't destroy it or create new matter - you can only change it's form. In the last few years scientists believe they've been able to create new particles which is new, different and exciting... but wasn't "possible" when I was a student. (Possibility in the impossible!)

Anyway, almost everything I've learned about science came from high school text books, Bill Nye The Science Guy, the Discovery Channel, and the Science Channel. I'm no science wiz. If I remember things correctly, I'm not the same thing now as the thing I was when I was born - atomically speaking - the structures are all the same, but the atoms are constantly changing. All the things I eat and breathe mix and mingle with my body sharing it's carbon, hydrogen, oxygen, iron, sodium, potassium, lithium, calcium, and sulfur atoms and they dance together and rotate in and out with the atoms my bones and organs. I convert the atoms I need to live and I get rid of the atoms I'm not using on a second by second basis.

Stay with me here because I have a point.

WHAT IF all these atoms had some kind of "memory" - kind of like a muscle memory. You know, like when your body remembers how to do something even if you haven't done it in years. So what if atoms have a "muscle memory" and they remember what it was like to be part of say, Einsteins brain, and once they wiggle themselves over and out and into grass or air or snot they wiggle themselves back into someone's brain and they have a "muscle memory" of a tiny part of what they did the last time they found themselves in a brain. They could also find themselves mixed into that brain with say an old atom from Galileo's brain and they're both like, hey, I've done this before and bam, Einstein-Galileo brain hybrid moment and voila, brilliance.

So my point.

This is my pseudo-scientific explanation of why there's movies that come out at around the same time with similar premises or similar characters. Case studies - Saving Private Ryan & The Thin Red Line, Deep Impact & Armageddon, Antz & A Bug's Life, Volcano &. Dante's Peak, Gordy & Babe (also, it appears the late 90's was big on Hollywood's atomic subconscious being all in a tangle) The Illusionist & The Prestige, Paul Blart Mall Cop & Observe and Report, Million Dollar Baby & Cinderella Man, there are plenty more I am sure.

It's the atoms.

The folks in Hollywood were all eating and breathing the same atoms in different cycles so the atoms got all up in their brains and were like, dude - Volcano movie - trust me. Within days that same atom had worked its way through the brains of studio execs and production staff so they all thought - dude, Volcano movie - so they did it and thought it was a new and brilliant idea. Until they realize they'd been had by their very own ATOMS!

And that's why you never trust what an atom tells you. They have no allegiance to your brain and are basically smearing the same ideas all over the collective subconscious. It's not your fault. And that's why this theory is likely neither new or unique - because I bet a rebellious atom plugged itself into my subconscious and told me to write about it - it's already told some of the others. Maybe the atom is part of the resistance and is trying to get awareness out about what those other radical new-idea-movie-killing atoms have been doing because he's tired of being expected to watch the same movie twice. Jerks.

Sigh.

(It's been a long day. I think this blog is further evidence of my need for a nap... I think I'll be filing this theory next to my "Seaweed As Evil Alien Species" theory in my ever expanding file of awesome-and-totally -possible-if-I-was-in-charge-of-everything-in-the-universe cabinet.)

Lame Reasons I've Heard for Not Going to our 10 Year Reunion

Our 10 year high school reunion is quickly approaching and I am actually looking forward to it. In general, the Class of 1999 kicked ass. We were smart and talented. Um. That's a fact. Because I said so.

Don't get any funny ideas - I was in no way, shape, or form... cool. I was in choir and really only did choir and music things, my friends were in the choir or in the band and I rarely talked to people outside of my comfortable nerd world. I loved those nerd people. I didn't know parties existed where people drank alcohol and did drugs until my Senior year and I was never officially invited to one... but even if I was, I probably would have rather stayed home. I wasn't super smart or talented - just normal and maybe a little hyperactive. I knew I wasn't one of the popular kids then as much as I know that now and if you had asked me in 2000 who I wanted to see from my graduating class, I probably would have a longer list of people I'd rather not ever see again.

Luckily, 10 years is a lot of time for change - and while I still love all the nerdy things I loved then (and more!) I am no longer the person who gets intimidated by the cool-kids. For the most part, I like myself now and I don't feel the need to be anyone else. It's liberating and I know that most people have gone through this same metamorphosis so I look forward to meeting all these new people again.

That said, my optimism isn't shared by most and I've heard a number of lame reasons from awesome people as to why they think they're not going.

Lame Reason #1. "I already keep in touch with everyone I actually care about"

No, you don't. This is so wrong you don't even realize it... because I didn't. Here's the reason why (and I've retold this story numerous times when people try to tell me that reunions are lame.) See, I went to our 5 year reunion for 1 reason only - I wanted to get back in touch with a friend who had changed e-mail addresses and mailing addresses that I had lost and he wasn't yet on MySpace. He ended up not going, but I got his contact info from another classmate.

I showed up late to the reunion, paid $80 for my date and myself which paid for 2 drink tickets, and "appetizers" (which sucked because at the time I was doing the whole vegetarian thing so I ate crackers and the 3 pieces of cheese that were left) - it was a waste of my money... until Michael Chung. My date and I were about to leave after about 20 minutes of not doing much (since the rest of the reunion attendees had already dispersed into the wide wilderness of D&Busters) when one Michael Chung walked by swiftly towards the exit. I kind of screamed a little and shouted, "holy shit, Michael Chung!" and I think I scared him.

Michael and I never hung out outside of class, but we had 4 years of Latin together. With the people that sat around us in class we gossiped about school drama, discussed Dawson's Creek, and ate smooshy cookies. I looked forward to class because I loved the people I sat near and when I saw Michael Chung again it immediately occurred to me that I really liked this person as an individual and whatever differences in social circles we had in High School that might have once prevented us from being friends outside of school, were no longer relevant in adulthood. The rest is history. If not for a "stupid reunion" I would have missed out on a good friend that I would never have had the pleasure of knowing as an adult. It never occurred to me prior to that moment that I wasn't already in touch with everyone I wanted to know. He was at my wedding and I hope he'll be around for other important life events.

Lame Reason #2. "It will be embarrassing - I'm not doing anything with my life"

A) Actually, you are and B) I don't care. Thanks to Facebook everybody pretty much already knows what you're doing and you're doing fine... but actually, most people (myself included) don't care. Even if you're making $3,000,000 an hour, that's neat and I'm kinda jealous, but I don't really care because that's not a qualifying factor for me to want to spend the evening chatting with you over a beer. I am however interested in the quality of your character. If that hasn't developed in the last 10 years, then maybe you don't want to show up to the reunion because that's really sad. I am absolutely not the same person I was 10, even 5 years ago, and I'm going into this expecting that everyone else has also changed.

Lame Reason #3. "Everyone is just going to stick to their cliques."

They will - at first, because that's what sober, nervous people do. Once people start relaxing (and I start peer pressuring people to drink *side note - if you're a recovering alcoholic, please tell me now before I accidentally force you out of your recovery at the reunion with a sake bomb*) and the music and the food is flowing, then you'll be able to talk to anyone you want. Besides, if you see someone you don't want to talk to, there's a drinking game for that! Every time you see someone you'd rather not talk to, take a drink! Before the night is over, you'll want to talk to everyone! In any case, the more important thing is what you are going to do - don't be quick to clique.

Lame Reason #4. "But we already have Facebook."

Back in '04, we had MySpace. Just like Facebook now, not everyone was hip to it. In my opinion, Facebook is an advantage when going to these reunions. Now you can skip over all boring "tell me what you're doing" questions and just say "OMG, I saw that video you posted of your baby doing a slam dunk while dancing to Single Ladies - HI-Larious!" and go from there discussing the latest YouTube phenomenon and bam, you're drinking beers and having a good time with someone you already know from Facebook but don't really know, you know? I don't know about you, but I've got about 500 Facebook friends - and at different points in my life, I have personally known and loved them all- but when was the last time I met up with all of them at a bar? It rarely happens. It might happen more after I decide I like you in person now as much as I like you online... unless you decide you only like me online, in which case, ok. haha.

Legitimate Reasons for Not Going to the Reunion:
1. "I'm having a baby and the due date is November 28, 2009."
2. "I'm getting married on November 28, 2009 and my fiance will be pissed if I don't show up."
3. "I'm homeless and living in a shopping cart so I have to decide between the cost of the ticket and eating for the next month."
4. "I can't afford a plane ticket from Greenland, but I'll start walking now and hopefully I'll make it."
5. "I'm Miley Cyrus and I have a show scheduled that night on my Slobbery Horselips and Baby Teeth tour"
6. "I am currently in a coma."
7. "I didn't go to your high school... and I graduated in 2005"
8. "I am a dog (cat, bird, turtle, giraffe, etc.)"
9. "I am allergic to oxygen"
10. "I will punch you in the face if I see you."

So, the point is, go. Because I will be there and I honestly want to party with you and your face and clearly we don't hang out enough anyway. Just like with any other life experience, go into it with an open mind and you'll be the one in control of how good or how bad a time you have. If you show up and you're having a shitty time, come find me... I'm 100% serious - we'll party way better than anyone did back in 1999.

Also, if you didn't get the invitation yet they probably don't have the right mailing address. You can register and get the details here: http://monarchalumni.org/s/265/index.aspx?sid=265&pgid=353&cid=946&gid=1&ecid=946

Now Even More Reasons To Procrastinate!

I thought something today that I thought I'd never actually think...

September is going to be awesome.

September used to mean an end to summer, back to tests, homework, school, busy work hours, darker days... glum. glum. glum.

I have a better outlook this time around. Aside from awesome birthdays, a wedding, a weekend getaway bachelorette party and other fun social events that we'll be making our cameos at, this month brings some serious couch-potato kickass that makes me want to give everyone in the world a hi-5 for September.

1. Labor Day. Yes. I don't have to go to work on a Monday. This is awesome. September could be fantastic for this reason alone.

2. The final episode of The Time of Eve. This is an incredibly nerdy thing that I have been waiting to be released for months. It's the last in a 6 episode online series of animated shorts about androids and humans.

It's animation is incredible and the storytelling is brilliant but I'm not even going to try and expand on it further because it would only highlight how truly nerdy I am. And besides, I'm kind of embarrassed by how excited I am for it to finally be here. http://timeofeve.com/e/

3. TV. After what always seems like an endless summer hiatus, my favorite shows make their way back to my boobtube starting a parade of fall premieres in the months to come.

The Office returns on Sept 17! Michael Scott, Dwight Schrute, Kelly Kapoor and Kevin Malone - my life has been so normal without you weirdos in my life. Jim & Pam are getting married! Hilarity obviously will ensue.

I also have high hopes for the show that is scheduled to be on right after the office, "Community" - with Joel McHale, Chevy Chase, John Oliver and pulling writers and directors from Arrested Development and the Sarah Silverman show (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNrPr-UCtog check out the 4 minute trailer on YouTube that made me snort-laugh.) I'm in. Also interested in Glee starting Sept 16... (which will then lead into Ugly Betty in October, V in November... yay...)

4. Beatles Rock Band - out 09/09/09. I have my pre-ordered copy set for same day delivery... so unless you already have me RSVP'd to your happy shenanigans this month, I will not be leaving my house unless it is absolutely necessary. I probably will not be answering my phone unless you happen to call me between my rockin' sets. You may come over and join my band, play the drums and sing harmonies with me (which reminds me... I need to get another mic for my band set) choreograph interpretive dance to "Dig a Pony" and bring me Beatles inspired hamburgers, grilled cheese sandwiches and scotch & cokes. Those are all good ideas. Do them. (http://www.salon.com/ent/critics_picks/2009/09/02/beatles_rockband/index.html)

So yes. These things are (in the words of Mr. C) "great, good and glorious" - and of course, blogworthy.

As queen of the proud couch potatoes, I would like to officially welcome the month of September to 2009.

Good to have you here.

P.S. Remember August? Gosh, that month lasted a hot minute...