This morning as I was driving into work, I spotted three middle-school aged boys standing outside my friend's apartment complex. They had backpacks on, so I assumed they were waiting for a bus or something to come pick them up. I had a bad feeling about three mischievous seeming boys climbing on and around the apartment complex signage at 6:50AM, so I proceeded with caution.
I watched them as I drove past them and glanced back at them in my side view mirror to see the three of them simultaneously raise their hands in the air and THROW SOMETHING AT MY CAR.
I continued driving and waited to see if the stuff they threw would actually reach my car.
Thankfully there was no one on the road because I made a calm and conscious decision to pull a Mr. Wheeler, slam on my brakes, throw my car in reverse and go hauling back TO SCARE THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF THOSE KIDS.
Which I'm pretty sure worked.
My car is old. I love my car, but a few pebbles hitting it on the side won't hurt much of anything... but this was about the principal of the thing. 1) KIDS. WTF? and 2) PARENTS. DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR KIDS ARE? THEY'RE THROWING THINGS AT CARS!
So anyway, I watched in my rear view mirror as the three boys went pale the moment I slammed on my brakes. Then, as they saw my car switch into reverse, I watched as they RAN LIKE THE WIND back into the parking area of the apartment complex.
Like I said, my friend lives in that complex, so I'm fairly familiar with the area. Much to their dismay, I pulled in and followed the little suckers as they kept running around the corner.
I was already running late for work, so I didn't want to waste too much more time but I saw the direction in which they ran and spotted the area in which they were hiding. So I rolled down my windows and stopped my car within earshot and pretended that I had been on my phone. I started talking obscenely loud:
"YES OFFICER, THREE CLEAN CUT BOYS WITH SHORT BLACK HAIR, BLACK SHORTS, TWO IN RED SHIRTS, ONE OF THEM IS WEARING A BALL CAP AND THE LAST BOY WAS WEARING AN ORANGE SHIRT... OK... SO YOU'LL SPEND ALL DAY TRYING TO FIND THEM? ... GREAT.... THEY'LL DO TIME IN JUVENILE HALL?... PERFECT.... THANK YOU POLICE OFFICER."
I looked in my rear view mirror as I drove away. I think (maybe in my little heart, I just hoped) that one of those boys squatted behind a bush was crying. If so, mission accomplished.
A lesson to all the little childrenses of the universe: Don't frack with my car. Ever.