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Thursday, July 1, 2010


It's hot enough today that I'd rather not run my AC and risk overheating my lovely antique car.  It's pretty much your standard Southern California day and there's a nice cool breeze constantly moving things around outside.  It makes me want to turn up the tunes, fly past the scenery and just feel the air mess up my hair.  It's pretty much the only time I ever enjoy driving.

Days like today are also the days that bees like to go for a swarm.  They get all hot and bothered, I imagine, because all the humans are out...doing things. Bees have such short tempers, you know.

I've actually plowed through a swarm of bees in my car three times in the last couple years, so days like today are the days where I imagine myself, trapped in my car with 1/3 of a swarming hive, being stung and attacked by bees because I couldn't get my automatic windows to roll up before the impending collision of swarm and car. 

I end up driving down the road, with all my windows down, feeling the wind only to quickly roll them up if I drive by what appears to be a hive friendly tree or bee bustling plant.  I scan the horizon for that telltale grey moving cloud and imagine what exactly I would do if I couldn't get out of it's path and how long it would take me to get my windows up in time.

So I practice. I push the buttons and have all 4 windows roll up.  It's safe inside my cabin. 

And also, hot.   Very hot.

Remembering how awesome the weather outside is and how it's still not hot enough to warrant turning on the AC, I roll down 3 windows instead of all 4. Because of energy.  Or something - somehow getting 3 windows up is actually faster than all 4.  Trust me.  I've tested it.

Of course, at some point, the breeze will pick up and a handful of leaves will brush past my passenger side window and I'll see it out of the corner of my eye and immediately think OH. EM.GEE. IT'S A SWARM AND THEY ARE HERE TO KILL ME.  I'll repeat the process and up go all the windows.

Moments later, I'll be driving around again, I'll have two strategically open windows, until a car buzzes by sounding suspiciously like a giant bee... and eventually I'll be down to one window by the time I get home.

I don't think I was ever paranoid about swarming bees getting into my my car until I drove through a swarm of bees.  The sound and sight of hundreds of tiny little bee bodies slammed and squished against your windows and doors is upsetting and frightening. I felt guilty and sad for the little hunny bugs, but at the same time I was desperate to quell the growing panic from imagining a lone survivor of my drive-by, clinging for dear life to the outside of my car and trying to work his way into my cabin through the air conditioning vents to take his revenge.  Right on my jugular before heading to join his pals in honey heaven.

What a sad cycle of violence, right? Also, I'm sure my childhood spent watching Killer Bees on TV didn't help.

 A hive of bees in the park outside my parent's house.  


  1. is that a real picture? how could a public employee let a hive get that big near a park? where kids are?? yeah, i'd be scared too.

  2. It is a real picture! They called in to have it removed, but I think it took like a week or so.

  3. Have you seen Bee Movie? I think you are totally justified in your paranoia, considering the whole we steal-their-honey thing...

    Incidentally, my parents are currently undergoing their 2nd round of whole house (outside) extermination for AFRICANIZED KILLER BEES! Who knew they were still around? Weird!

  4. I haven't seen Bee Movie, I'm sure if I watched it as a kid, it would only heighten my adult paranoia. AND KILLER BEES...OMG... SO SCARY! I wonder why they like your parent's home so much? Must have some tasty flowers in the garden.


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